SGS2026: Hidden Half

For Women's History Month, the writing prompt for the SGS Write All About it! group is #hiddenhalf. The theme was inspired by a classic reference work, The Hidden Half of the Family by Christina Kassabian Schaefer. 

I have several "hidden" women in my family history, I have written about previously in Hidden Mothers and Hellion Fathers, including Mary Grainger Keely Johns (1834-1871) and Catherine Thomas Younker (1834-1912). 

Since I first wrote about Mary and Catherine, I have made some headway by connecting them to their parents and gaining a deeper understanding of their lives. There is certainly more to learn, but their stories are both starting to take shape. The third woman, however, Mariam Williams Kirkendall, remains stubbornly cloaked by obscurity. 

The details of Mariam's life are scant:

• Mariam Williams was married to Robert Kirkendall in Green County, Wisconsin, on 26 August 1838.
• Robert Kirkendall appears as a head of household in the 1840 Federal Census for Green County, Wisconsin, with one female household member between the ages of 15 and under 20, presumably Mariam.
• Mariam and Robert were divorced in 1849. Their divorce records are the stuff of headline news today, with both sides alleging infidelity, drunkenness, and more. In keeping with the time, custody of their two daughters, Eliza Ann Kirkendall Shultz (1841-1929) and Mary Lucas Kirkendall Eastwood (1843-1928), was awarded to their father. 
• Mariam is mentioned as Robert's first wife in his 1897 obituary, which seems unusual.

Unidentified hidden mother photo. 

Mariam's fate following the 1849 divorce remains a mystery. There is a Miriam Kirkendoll in the 1850 Federal Census, living in neighboring Lafayette County, Wisconsin, with Elisabeth and John Chilton.

Mariam and Elisabeth are close in age, both born in Delaware, suggesting they might be sisters or some other relationship. The Chiltons have a five-year-old daughter named Miriam, which also strengthens the possibility of a family connection. 

Also enumerated with the family is two-year-old Caroline Kirkendall. There was no mention of Caroline in Robert and Mariam's divorce. Was she the result of the infidelity alleged in the divorce? Because of her young age, did she remain with her mother? Was she born after the divorce was finalized? Or, did the enumerator simply make a mistake, and Caroline was actually the daughter of John and Elisabeth? Since the 1850 census does not indicate how members of a household are related, confirmation of relationships requires additional research.  

Neither Mariam nor Caroline has been located in subsequent censuses. John Chilton died in 1857, and his probate file indicates his wife, Elisabeth, predeceased him, leaving two daughters, Louisa and Mariam. Caroline Chilton does appear in later Wisconsin records, but at this point, potential relationships are just speculation. So, for now, Mariam's story is still shrouded in mystery, and her half of the story remains hidden.

Copyright 2026 by Lisa A. Oberg, GeneaGator: Vignettes of Yesteryear. All Rights Reserved.

#52Ancestors: At Worship

Sister M. Salome (Caroline Rose) Ney
1879-1929

There was no doubt in my mind who I would write about when the #52Ancestors prompt "at worship" was announced. My great-great aunt, Caroline Rose Ney who entered a Dominican convent in Racine, Wisconsin, in 1904. 

Back in my earliest days of genealogy research, I asked my grandfather for some details about his aunts and uncles. Family folklore has it my great-grandfather had no interest in becoming a farmer in Wisconsin and, following his marriage, moved to Chicago where he worked for the Armour Grain Company and my grandfather was born. 

Like so many of that era, my great-grandmother developed tuberculosis and the prevailing wisdom of the era suggested the Western climate might help. All of these factors contributed to the fact I didn't have the highest expectations my grandfather would remember much as his contact with his extended family was limited to just a handful of visits.

I was soon proven wrong! My grandfather quickly rattled off the names of his three maternal aunts and uncle. His father was one of eleven children and Grandpa was able to recall all their names, in spite of the fact that he never really knew most of his aunts and uncles, except for one. One of his father’s sisters became a nun, he thought, Sister Salome might have been her name. “What was her name before?” I asked. “I don’t know if I ever heard it”, was his reply.

Family tradition also suggests Caroline's parents weren't thrilled to have their daughter enter the convent. If that is true their reasons are lost to time, but one factor certainly could have been the knowledge their daughter would be separated from them for the rest of her life. At the turn of the century, becoming a nun meant leaving your own family behind to become a part of a larger family of people dedicated to serving God in various ways. The Racine Dominicans, or the Congregation of the Sisters of St. Dominic to use their full name, were a teaching order of German origins. Many of the schools associated with Catholic parishes throughout Southeast Wisconsin, and beyond, were served by Racine Dominicans so they were certainly familiar to parochially-educated Caroline and her siblings growing up in Holy Cross, Wisconsin. 

Why Caroline felt called to a life of service has also been lost to time, but together with a cousin, Mary Mueller, entered the convent and both became teachers themselves in schools around Wisconsin and Michigan. Caroline died at the age of 49 following an operation. Her siblings were especially bitter because they had pooled funds for her to have the surgery in a hospital but the operation was supposedly arranged more economically with the extra funds going to the convent. No records exist which support this but Caroline was the first of her siblings to die and I'm sure her brothers and sisters were distraught at having already lost her, so to speak, to the convent and then to lose her completely. 

Port Washington Zeitung
Thursday, September 1, 1904, pg 4.

On Saturday [August 27], Miss Caroline Ney, a daughter of the
well-known  Mr. J. P. Ney von Town Belgium, was taken up
as a sister of the Notre-Dame Convent in Racine. 

When I first began researching Caroline I had no idea what order she belonged to and little to go on after she entered religious life. The nuns I knew growing up had long since abandoned their habits in favor of white blouses and serviceable skirts and sensible shoes. Little did I know the answer was staring me right in the face! I checked out a book from the library, Religious Orders of Women, which was like a catalog containing the mission, location, entrance requirements of each order to help girls in the 1960s considering religious life select an order they might be suited to. Sort of like a sorority rush! More importantly, it included many photos of sisters in their habits. This was before the sweeping reforms of Vatican II when many sisters adopted the more modern garb people associate them with today. A quick look at the book revealed very few orders had WHITE habits and those that did were all Dominicans. Huh, watching The Flying Nun hadn't adequately educated me for habit identification! 

Shortly after determining Caroline had been a Dominican I acquired a parish history which listed all of the people, including Caroline, who had entered religious life and provided the name of the specific convent. I don't know why she was given the name Mary Salome, but after entering the convent her family never referred to her as Caroline again, even in surviving correspondence between her two of brothers, Nick and Joe. 

There are many terminal branches on our family tree because the person died young, never married, or, as in the case of Sister Salome, entered into religious life. For me, their stories are no less interesting and as equally deserving of our attention and family members with dozens of descendants. Only when we look at the entire family can we fully appreciate the influences and nuances of their interconnectivity. The story of Sister Salome has always been one of those essential keys. No less critical for me than understanding the events which caused my branch of the family to move West. This is why I consider myself a family historian more than a genealogist. All the begats are very interesting, to be sure, but it's the stories that lead us to understand the context of each family's dynamic.

---

Copyright 2019 by Lisa A. Oberg, GeneaGator: Vignettes of Yesteryear. All Rights Reserved.

The Mystery of Mariam

Mariam Williams.

Her name was recorded over 175 years ago by a clerk in Green County, Wisconsin, when she married Robert Kirkendoll on August 26, 1838.¹  And that record is one of the few pieces of tangible evidence of her life. She lives on through her many descendants but the details of her life remain shrouded in mystery. What is known -- beyond her marriage to Robert -- is that in 1840 Robert is enumerated in the Wisconsin Territorial Census as the head of a household which included one white male, age 20-30, and one white female, age 15-19, most likely Mariam.²

1850 Federal Census, Wiota, Lafayette County, WI.

Robert Kirkendoll was born in Yellow Bud, Ross County, Ohio, on 12 March 1814. His parents are unknown and he seems to have struck out on his own at an early age. He is enumerated in Iowa County, Michigan Territory, in 1830, now part of Wisconsin, and later served during the Black Hawk Wars in Illinois during 1832 and 1833.

Mariam and Robert's first child -- my great-great-great grandmother -- Eliza Ann Kirkendoll was born on 25 October 1841. A second daughter, Mary Lucas Kirkendoll, was born 5 October 1843.
        

1850 Federal Census, Wayne, Lafayette County, WI.

Wisconsin records indicate Robert married Sarah (Million) Hoffman in 1848.³ In the 1850 census Mariam is enumerated with the family of John Chilton. John's wife, Elisabeth and Mariam (Miriam as she is recorded) are close in age and both are listed as having been born in Delaware. It's possible they were sisters, but no records have been located to corroborate this theory. One of the children in the household -- likely John's and Elisabeth's daughter -- is also named Miriam/Mariam, which also suggests a family connection.

In 1850, Robert and Sarah are living with Eliza and Mary; Sarah's sons from her first marriage; and their first child together. It is curious that Eliza and Mary are living with their father. Presumably Mariam and Robert divorced sometime between 1843 and 1848, but what is also surprising is it appears Mariam has a young daughter, Caroline, born about 1848, previously unknown.^4,5 

Excerpt from Robert Kirkendoll's obituary.
Unknown newspaper.

And then Mariam and Caroline disappear. The 1860 census for southwest Wisconsin seems to have been particularly incomplete. None of the extended Kirkendoll family can be found in the census, but Robert, Sarah and their growing family can be found in subsequent census. But not Mariam. Did she remarry? If so, where? Searches of Wisconsin marriage records have been unsuccessful. Did she die? If so where and when?

Until recently the only other evidence I had substantiating Mariam's life was a brief mention in Robert's obituary naming her as the mother of his two oldest daughters. Then last month I had the opportunity to visit southwest Wisconsin and at the top of my research agenda was to try and locate Mariam and Robert's divorce. I started with Green County, where Mariam and Robert were married and learned the case files had been transferred to the Southwest Wisconsin Room at the University of Wisconsin-Platteville. So off to Platteville I went and that's when things finally got interesting...
                                                       

1. Wisconsin Historical Society. Pre-1907 Vital Records Collection. Madison, WI, USA: Wisconsin Historical Society Library Archives. Robert Kirkendoll and Mariam Williams, 26 August 1838, Green County, Wisconsin Territory, vol. 1, page 1.
2. Sixth Census of the United States, 1840. Green County, Wisconsin Territory; NARA  M704-580; Page: 137, Line: 16; Robert Kirkendoll.
3. Wisconsin Historical Society. Pre-1907 Vital Records Collection. Madison, WI, USA: Wisconsin Historical Society Library Archives. Robert Kirkendoll and Sarah Hoffman, 11 August 1848, Lafayette County, Wisconsin, vol. 1, page 23.
4. Seventh Census of the United States, 1850. Wiota, Lafayette, Wisconsin, NARA M432-1001; Page: 355A. John Chilton.
5. Seventh Census of the United States, 1850. Wayne, Lafayette, Wisconsin, NARA M432-1001; Page: 332A. Robert Kirkendoll.

Honoring the Home Place

With my aunt, Barbara Leimback, on our
first trip to Holy Cross Cemetery in August, 1992.

Well... one of them anyway. I had a nomadic childhood and stumble for a good answer when people ask me my hometown. It depends on the audience and my answer varies.

My story parallels that of generations before me. If there was one child who ventured away from their family and hometown over and over again that was my direct ancestor. It is a recurring theme for many, I imagine, whose families made their way west. One such example from my cast of wandering antecedents is Joseph Troll who -- at the time his brother Engelbert's estate was probated in 1866 -- was "supposed dead, last heard from in California 12 years since." ¹ Fortunately not all of my ancestors were as negligent as Joseph in keeping their families informed of their whereabouts.

Now, in a curious turn of events, here I am drawn to retracing their steps backwards and returning to the communities that originally nurtured my ancestors. One such place is the unincorporated village of Holy Cross located about 7 miles north of Port Washington in Ozaukee County, Wisconsin. Ozaukee County holds the distinction of being the smallest county in Wisconsin. Yet, it is the site of the largest settlement of immigrants to the United States from one of the smallest countries in Europe: Luxembourg. And, incredibly, at 1,118 mi² tiny Ozaukee County is larger than Luxembourg's 998 mi²!

I ended my trip to Wisconsin earlier this month with my traditional pilgrimage to Holy Cross Cemetery. On a overcast morning -- unusual for Wisconsin in August! -- I checked in with the greatest concentration of my ancestors buried in one place. A cool, gentle breeze rustled through the cornfields which surround the cemetery where it is so quiet the sounds of birds singing was the only other thing I heard. The cemetery is a serene, well-maintained place and after many visits I know just where to go and who to see! My great-great grandparents John Peter Ney, his wife Margaret Mans, John Evangelist Uselding and his wife Catherine Lauters are buried there; as well as great-great-great grandparents Josephine Hemmer, John Nicholas Uselding, Anna Maria Bastendorff, Nicholas Lauters and Margaret Bourton. Several miles away Anton Mans and Catherine Plier are buried at St. Mary's Cemetery.

Whether is it Twin Falls, Idaho, Gold Hill, Oregon, or Holy Cross, Wisconsin, I can rarely pass through ancestral home places without a detour through the local cemetery. On one hand it grounds me and the tangible evidence of my ancestors in the form of their headstones remind me of who and where I came from. It also inspires me to continue searching for the details that help tell the story of their life beyond the spare facts captured on those stones. The Luxembourg national motto is "Mir wölle bleiwe wat mir sin!" -- We want to remain what we are! -- and my cemetery visits are just one way I honor and live out what I am by remembering all those who came before me.

---

1. St. Louis County, Missouri, probate case files, estate no. 7404, Engelbert Troll (1866), Probate file, 19 May 1866; Probate Court Clerk’s Office, Clayton.

100% Luxembourger

Eugene "Nick" Ney, 1912-2002

Later this week I will have the privilege of speaking at the Ninth Annual Luxembourg Cultural Conference as part of the Luxembourg Fest and Heritage Weekend held the second weekend in August each year in Belgium, Wisconsin. The theme of this year's conference is Finding the Stories: Genealogical and Family History Research for Luxembourg Americans. My fellow presenters and I will be discussing strategies for successful research.

I didn't always know about my Luxembourg heritage. Shortly after I graduated from college, my dear friend Monika and I decided to take a genealogy class together. This led to a longstanding Tuesday night tradition which began after the course ended. First up was dinner at Arby's. Then it was onto the local Family History Center and a weekly date with two courtly gentleman who volunteered there and graciously shepherded us through ordering our first microfilm and witnessed our first genealogical successes.

One of the first things that I learned in those evenings spent peering at microfilm was that my Grandpa was of Luxembourg descent. I had NO idea! And, admittedly, at first I wasn't even entirely sure where Luxembourg was. I was so excited to share the news of his ancestry with my Grandpa but when I did he proudly exclaimed "I know! I'm 100% Luxembourger!" "You're 100% nitwit" I remember thinking to myself for NOT having mentioned this sooner since we'd had several conversations previously about his parents and grandparents. I quickly realized I was the real nitwit for not having asked the right questions. Truth be told, my grandfather knew a great deal about his extended family which was remarkable given his parents had moved away from the family fold when he was four years old.

This week I'll be celebrating my Luxembourg roots with pride and thinking of my 100% Luxembourger Grandpa. He's been gone 13 years this month and I miss him dearly.